Funny jokes in English
Bicycle shop joke
A boy came to the shop and pointed at a bicycle.
Boy: Uncle, will this bicycle be available until night?
Showowner: Certainly, but why?
Boy: Because now I will go home and start whining for the bicycle. Mother will beat me at around noon. My crying will continue till evening. Finally they will be forced to buy me the bicycle at night.
My mom likes you joke
Girlfriend: My mom likes you.
Boyfriend: But I will marry you, please tell your mom to forget me.
Ears burned joke
Woman: Doctor, my both ears have gotten burned.
Doctor: Yes I can see but how did it happen?
Woman: I was ironing my husband’s shirt, suddenly there was a call. By mistake I placed the iron over my ear.
Doctor: I got it but how did you burn the other ear?
Woman: The man called me again.
Driving to Disneyland joke
Pelto and Sando were driving to Disneyland.
The sign said, “Disneyland Left.”
So they started crying and went home.
Divorce wanted joke
Man: I cannot continue my relationship with my wife.
Judge: Why?
Man: She throws at me whatever she gets in her hand.
Judge: Then why do you want a divorce after ten years?
Man: So long her accuracy was not good but over this ten years her shots are quite accurate without a miss.
Hide and seek with wife joke
Wife: Let’s play hide and seek. If you can find me you will take me on a shopping.
Husband: What if I don’t find you?
Wife: Darling, don’t say like that, I will hide behind that door of our bedroom.
My wife is like terms and conditions joke
My wife is like “Terms & conditions” of a Website !
I never understand what she says
but
I always accept it!
Liar boyfriend joke
Two girls are talking.
1st girl: Nowadays we cannot trust the boys. I don’t even want to see his face.
2nd girl: Why: Have you seen him with another girl?
1st girl: No, he saw me hanging out with another guy. Yesterday he said he would go out of the city. He is a big liar…
A crashed helicopter joke
A helicopter crushed
Police officer: How did this happen?
Pilot: It was getting chilly up there, so I turned off the fan.
Road accident joke
Pelto has been produced in the court in connection with a street accident.
Lawyer: How did you cause the accident?
Pelto: Which accident?
Lawyer: The accident for which you are in the court now.
Pelto: I had fallen asleep before the accident happened. If I had been awake I could tell you.