Various funny jokes

Various funny jokes in English.

Give me a drum joke in English

Boy: Dad, can you buy me a drum?
Father: No, because you will disturb everyone by beating the drum all the time.
Boy: No, I will not disturb. I will beat the drum when everyone will fall asleep.

I love you double insult joke in English

Boy: I love you!
Girl: Did you ever see your face in the mirror?
Boy: Yes that is why I am proposing you otherwise I would have proposed Jessica Alba.

Definition of history joke in English

Girl: What is history?
Boy: The process of becoming almost dead by reading the stories of the dead people is called history.

Two neighbours joke in English

A neighbour meets another neighbour.
-Good evening.
-Why are you saying good evening at midday?
-I am really sorry but what can I do, whenever I meet you everything becomes dark around me.

Three tall buildings joke in English

1st friend: When I went to the moon, the people there are so developed; they have made such a building, a boy one day fell from the roof of the building. It took five years for the boy to fall on the ground.

2nd friend: This is nothing. Once I went to the planet Mars, people there are far more developed. They have made a building and a child fell from the roof of the building. When he fell to the ground his beard, mustache became gray.

3rd friend: Is that a tall building? Once I visited the planet Jupiter. One day a monkey fell from the tallest building of a city there. When the monkey came to the ground it turned into a human.

Marry me joke in English

Man: If you do not marry me, I will die for sure.
Girl: Why will you die? There are so many beautiful girls in this world. You can marry one.
Man: When a girl like you rejects me, how can I think of a beautiful girl!

Change recommended by doctor joke in English

Patient: I am tired of my life. I don’t like anything. I don’t know what will make me happy. It’s a big problem and I don’t know what the solution is.
Doctor: I had checked you up and found nothing wrong. You need a change.
Patient: Is that good advice? In the past few years I have changed four husbands, two houses, a dozen of cooks, two dozens of car drivers, how many more do I need to change?

Knowledge about scientists teacher student joke in English

Teacher: What do you know about the 18th century scientists?
Student: All of them are dead now.

Marriage surprise joke in English

Friend 1: You said you wouldn’t marry anyone. Men are animals. Still you agreed to marry a guy!
Friend 2: It is not a bad idea to pet an animal.

Emergency service joke in English

-Hello, fire service?
-Yes.

-There is a fire. I have a flower garden, there are different flower plants in the garden…
-Tell me quick where should we go?

-The flower plants are very expensive…
-Tell us where the fire is.

-That’s why I have called you. The fire is burning in the next house, so you will come to put out the fire, at that time just spray some water on my garden.